Use body language to your advantage..

In an earlier post I talked about how 55% of the message you convey is through your body language (the remaining 38% percent through tone and inflection and only 7% through your actual words).

What this really means is that most people experience the world more through their eyes than through their ears. Think about that a little. When you are communicating, you need to think about what your body is saying and you need to ensure that it is congruent with your words.

So, how can you control body language? Here are a few tips:

1. Keep your body language open - that is, stand or sit tall and don't cross your arms or legs. Think of the way you would stand if you were to welcome someone - tall posture, arms open and relaxed with a soft, warm expression on your face. This is open body language. It communicates that you are sincere and are not hiding anything.
2. Mimic the body language of others - especially in one-on-one situations. When you are sitting or standing across from someone, slightly mimic the body language of the person you are talking to. Lean in if he or she does; lean back or tilt you head if he or she does; cross your arms, cross your legs, put your elbow on the table, etc. Now, don't do a full mirroring or the person will just think that you are strange or even annoying. However, if you are subtle about it, it will make the other person feel very comfortable.
3. Watch your angle - again in one-on-one situations. Angle your body - whether standing or sitting - about 45 degrees from the other person. Face-to-face can feel too confrontational or too intimate. A larger angle will make the other person feel like you are trying to escape. 45 degrees creates an opening that maximizes personal space and maintains the connection when two people are in close proximity.
4. Manage your eye contact - if you can't recall the eye colour of the person you were last speaking to, you did not have adequate eye contact. Don't stare people down, but look long enough to notice eye colour and shape. Look away and look back. Eye contact (in Western countries) implies connection and says, "What you are saying is important to me."
5. Use gestures, but keep them in a box - gestures are more important than most people realize. They help add emphasis to your words and they are visually interesting. Just remember to keep them contained in an imaginary 18" square box that sits in front of your chest. Anything bigger can communicate that you are exaggerating. Lack of gesture can imply that you are holding back or are not telling the truth.

So, give your own body language some thought. It can say more about you than the words you use.

the communication guru