Simple Acts of Communication Can Be Powerful

This is one of my absolute favorite small videos. It shows how a very simple act of communication can have a massive impact on customer service and business development. This is how you attract customers and retain.

Not sure that you have the ability to make a difference in the lives of others? Well, if Johnny can make such a profound impact, just imagine what you can do...

the communication guru

Communicating with Kids Ain't Always Easy...

Talking to kids can be a frustrating experience - no doubt about it. There is a good reason for this and understanding this reason alone can help you improve matters almost immediately.

When kids are very young it is necessary for parents to have a directive communication style. We have to direct our little ones as they learn to navigate our world. It is partly about safety and partly about teaching them the rules of behavior that we (and society) expect. We do it naturally as parents.

But here's the thing...our kids learn the lessons from our direction quickly. They absorb everything; they are amazing learning machines. Their brains develop very quickly and they, as all parents well know, are constantly changing. It can be astounding to observe the changes from day-to-day. The problem is that, as kids are developing and changing, parents pretty much stay the same.

Directive communication is primarily one-way communication. "Do this now." "Don't touch that!" Older children are desperate for more balanced communication. Parents who stick with the directive style with older children are just asking for tantrums, talking back and angry confrontations.

Try having more balanced conversations with your kids. Let them voice their opinions, ideas and objections. You don't have to agree, but you do need to listen. Give your children a voice in your family. The directive communication style, when used exclusively, does not give children any voice whatsoever. Trust me, if you do not give your kids a voice, they will find a way to express their displeasure to you.

To see if your kids are becoming resistant to your communication style, take this brief quiz:
http://tinyurl.com/TAAquiz

I'll continue writing about this in my next post.

the communication guru

Something on Oprah has been haunting me...

A few weeks ago there was an episode of Oprah that is haunting me. The actual subject matter was about obese teenagers and how/why they became so incredibly overweight. The show was very interesting and they took good care of the teens who were involved with the show.

But what haunted me was the underlying cause for the weight gain - very poor communication and understanding between parent and child. Years worth - building up and literally weighing down these kids. It was heartbreaking to see the teens talk about how poorly understood they are by their parents.

Every person has a basic need to be heard and understood by others. Oprah even said something to this affect on the show. But this is what has been haunting me... You can't just tell a parent that they need to get to know their kids by listening to them better. You can't just tell a parent that they need to understand their kids better. Who could disagree with these directives? The problem is that these parents don't know how to do this. They may want to, but without any tools or guidance to help them change, they most likely will not be successful. Desire, while important, is not enough. Once those families are back home they will drift back into old patterns. I feel for the kids who were on the show.

I'll write more about parent-child communication in future posts.

the communication guru


Read more about parent-child communication in my new book, Talk about Anything with Your Kids http://www.talkaboutanything.ca

Communication Through a Squeeze of the Hand

I haven't written a blog post for a few months - let me tell you why.

Shortly after my last post my father had a health crisis and was rushed to the hospital. They discovered pneumonia and then, after further testing, found advanced lung cancer. He went from regular hospital care to palliative care (pain management and comfort for end of life) in a matter of a couple of weeks. My family was devastated and our heads were spinning with this very sudden turn of events.

We spent several weeks visiting my Dad, watching him deteriorate with shocking speed. I was with him during his last waking moments. He could barely breathe let alone speak. The change in his condition from that of the prior day was frightening. Even his nurses were astounded at how quickly he was slipping away. It was clear that he was in the last day or two of his life.

I sat beside him holding his hand while my mother took a brief break. My Dad was very intelligent and had clear blue eyes through which you could see the sharpness of his mind. He looked at me and asked me three questions - each with a breathless word or two. He whispered one word and I then guessed at what he wanted to know. I then repeated to him what I thought he was asking me and, after a confirming squeeze of my hand, I answered him. He squeezed my hand again after each reply from me. After I answered his questions, we sat quietly for a few minutes, his frail hand in mine - each of us holding on to each other for the last time. Of course, we did not know just then that it would be the last time. If I had known, I would not have let him go. His hand squeezes said more to me than any words could have. I hope he felt the same.

It was not like it is in the movies - we did not know when to say goodbye. So we never said it. But, through those hand squeezes we communicated a lifetime of love.

He was given an injection for pain about 15 minutes later, which made him sleep. He never regained consciousness and died the next afternoon.

This painful episode in my life proved to me what I have been saying for years. The weakest form of communication is through words. Body language and eye contact communicate so much more and with much more truth and clarity.

It took me a long time to write this post, although I have been thinking about it for months. So I'll dedicate this one to my father. Thanks for getting me writing again.

I miss you Dad, although I can still feel your hand in mine.

Give someone you love a squeeze today...

Catherine