Do you speak in code?

You sure do - we all do!

Here is another reason why communication between people is so darn difficult. We all have differing backgrounds, experiences, preferences, biases, needs and wants - and all of these things affect how we string words together to express our thoughts. So, when you have two people having a conversation, the person speaking may be speaking in code. The person listening may hear the words and extract a completely different meaning from the same words.

It is the job of the person listening to decode the message heard. You have to put aside your own interpretations and ask questions to ensure that you know what the person speaking meant. If you don't, I guarantee that there will be misunderstandings.

This is the reason why several people who have heard the same person speak will take away very different messages. Each person listens through his/her own filters of experience and may apply different meaning to the same sets of words, or may place different levels of importance on one part of the message over another. This is why communicating a clear message can be so very difficult.

As a listener, take the time to really understand. Never assume you know what was meant just because the words were clear to you. This is how most misunderstandings happen. We think or assume that we know exactly what someone meant when, in fact, we did not. Funny how people will often ask the question, "Did I hear that right?" when the question really should be "Did I understand that correctly?"

So, think of yourself as a coder when talking and a decoder when listening. When talking, help the listener understand your message. And listen with the intent to understand and there will be fewer misunderstandings - at least on your part!

Conversations - 'handle with care'
the communication guru