Listening faux pas #3: Rehearsing

You are probably guilty of this...

Someone is talking and, instead of really listening to what he or she has to say, your mind takes off as you start to plan what you are going to say. It is almost like you split into two parts: your physical body looks interested in the speaker, you nod and maintain eye contact, but your mind is far, far away. You rehearse your words, all the while completely ignoring what the person speaking is saying.

Then one of three things happens:

1) When the speaker stops talking, you realize that where he or she finished speaking is far different than the point you dropped out and your planned words aren't suitable anymore. This is the case when you find yourself sputtering, "Sorry - what was that you said?" This will create anger or frustration in the person speaking. Makes it hard to connect with another person...

2) When the speaker stops talking, you chime in with your prepared words but, because you weren't listening well, your comments don't seem to make sense. You will know this is the case when you find the person you are talking to kind of looking at you sideways through squinted eyes. You've been caught.

3) When the speaker stops talking, you chime in with your prepared words and, through some miracle, your comments work in the conversation. This maybe happens 5% of the time - poor odds indeed.

As much as rehearsing what you are going to say may seem to make sense (preparation is always a good idea, right?), it is a very poor idea. Trust your own spontaneity - you will speak in a more genuine and honest manner when you actually listen to the person speaking with interest. I like to say - listen with your heart.

Sincerely listening to another person is one of the greatest gifts you can give to another person. When was the last time someone genuinely listened to you? Not recently, I'll bet. There is no better way to connect to another person than to listen to them with your whole heart. Try it - with your colleagues, with your family, with your boss... You may be surprised by the results.

Listen with your heart - it makes all the difference.

the communication guru