Communicating with Kids Ain't Always Easy...

Talking to kids can be a frustrating experience - no doubt about it. There is a good reason for this and understanding this reason alone can help you improve matters almost immediately.

When kids are very young it is necessary for parents to have a directive communication style. We have to direct our little ones as they learn to navigate our world. It is partly about safety and partly about teaching them the rules of behavior that we (and society) expect. We do it naturally as parents.

But here's the thing...our kids learn the lessons from our direction quickly. They absorb everything; they are amazing learning machines. Their brains develop very quickly and they, as all parents well know, are constantly changing. It can be astounding to observe the changes from day-to-day. The problem is that, as kids are developing and changing, parents pretty much stay the same.

Directive communication is primarily one-way communication. "Do this now." "Don't touch that!" Older children are desperate for more balanced communication. Parents who stick with the directive style with older children are just asking for tantrums, talking back and angry confrontations.

Try having more balanced conversations with your kids. Let them voice their opinions, ideas and objections. You don't have to agree, but you do need to listen. Give your children a voice in your family. The directive communication style, when used exclusively, does not give children any voice whatsoever. Trust me, if you do not give your kids a voice, they will find a way to express their displeasure to you.

To see if your kids are becoming resistant to your communication style, take this brief quiz:
http://tinyurl.com/TAAquiz

I'll continue writing about this in my next post.

the communication guru